April 26, 2017
Communication is an art that every couple must learn to perfect. The most important aspect of communication, is learning how to communicate in a manner that your spouse can relate and respond to. When married, the spouses become one, as such it’s no longer just about you, but about you and your spouse. If certain words won’t hurt you an inch, be sensitive to them if you notice that they affect your spouse. The keen part of marital communication is, knowing how to communicate when in disagreement. The bible guards us to be careful with the words that come out of our mouth. There will be days of happy love, as well as days when anger and frustration will flow. Infact in Cameroon, typically, mothers will prepare and warn their children ( sons and daughters) to watch out for the days of turmoil in their marriage. A word can make or break your marriage and it would not matter if you are pushed by anger to say it. So be vigilant. After a little research i came up with these 05 things you should avoid saying:
I want a Divorce
In the heat of anger, saying you want out of your marriage may seem legitimate (depending on what you may be angry about). But just imagine what may happen after you’ve cooled off, and decided that was deifinitely not a wise thing to say. You may tell your spouse you did not mean it. But by saying the words you have a communicated a seed of doubt in the heart of your spouse. He/she may wonder if you have not been thinking of leaving before that moment. Thus it will need a little work on your part to bring back the equilibrum. Avoid saying those words as much as you can.
You are just like your Father/Mother
Bringing up a negative comparism of your spouse to their parent is exactly the kind of thing to avoid. In this case, your spouse may consider that, not only do you find a negative aspect in him/her, but also you are insulting their parent. This brings up a defensiveness on their part. It does not matter if you later apologize for this communication blunder. Even if your spouse forgives you pointing out his/her fault, a part of their mind would have also registered the comment made about their parent. Considering how we africans treasure and respect our parents, you imagine how difficult it might be to forgive such a slip.
Communicate Using Verbal Abusive speech
Abuse in all its forms is bad. And in certain times verbal abuse can do even more damage than physical abuse. It can destroy the ego, deminish the self esteem of your spouse, as well their respect and esteem towards you.
Comparing your Spouse to another Man/Woman
Do not compare the person you chose to be with to anyone else. You already saw and understood the best and the worst about him before you got married. Besides, if you see someone else looking perfect and desirable, it’s probably only on the outside. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Keep your problem at home.
You Always /You never … Do this/Do that.
Study has shown that accusing and reminding someone all the time of their errors, discourages them from improving from their errors. It’s like being told all the time that you are such a horrible dancer each time you try to dance; you end up being one of theose people that hates dancing. It does not matter if you feel they really are messing up. Avoid putting an accent on their wrong doings. start by loudly/sincerly appreciating the good things they do all the time. That should be the stepping stone to encourage them to do what you wish they could do differently.
It is definitely important to consciously prepare yourself for the eventuality of a disagreement with your spouse. In so doing, you prepare yourself , not to disagree, as some may think, but to better manage a situation when it comes up. This way you are in more control of your emotions and words.
I hope you find the aqrticle above useful. If you have points to add, i’ll be deligted to read in the comments section below.