July 20, 2017
Being divorced comes with knowledge about what caused the failure and what could have been done differently. Divorced people have burned and emerged with a better vision of what marriage should be. When you are divorced, you understand better and you want better. A divorced person will understand marriage in an intimate yet difficult way. It is in failure that strength and wisdom abide. So here are 10 things you need to know about marriage – from the point of view of divorcees.
Your marriage is not as good as your vows. It’s what you put into it each day.
It take effort on both parties’ part to make things work. Love is not enough. – Laura
It takes more than love to keep your marriage alive
“Love is not enough. You must like your partner and have a deep respect for them. You need someone who is your best friend. You need a rock and a place that is not just a house, but a home. You need a partner in life. The best marriages I’ve been blessed to know have had that at their foundation.” ― Jessica Kahan
Those Annoying habits you hate in your partner won’t disappear once you are wed
“Your spouse’s annoying habits multiply exponentially after you’ve tied the knot. I’m talking about little things that gain annoying momentum as years go by. For me, it was abrasive quirks like these: tailgating at rush hour, interrupting me to correct me, calling every woman he met ‘sweetheart’ and twisting his napkin into a knot after every meal. Shallow and petty, I admit, but day after day took its toll. While dating, I wrote them off as changeable and cute. When the adrenaline wore off, those pesky habits became a problem.” ― Kat Forsythe
Tend to the garden of your marriage, lest it get overrun by weeds.
Your spouse or yourself may not have intent to betray each other, but the test will come from external factors. ex: another person trying to get your spouse to cheat on you, or other family members putting pressure on your marriage. It is important to have each other’s back constantly and make a firm decision to make each other a priority.- Stephanie.
It’s best to cool off alone before throwing down harsh words in a fight.
Choose your words carefully when in a fight, if possible do not say anything at all when you are angry. Let the anger pass and reasoning come again, before talking. Harsh words can settle deep within and create greater scars than we think. – Benjamin.
Your spouse will change.
“You will change, too, so make damn sure that you can grow together and that you agree on the things that you consider dealbreakers.” ― Carol Schaffer
Meddling in-laws will test your marriage.
“It’s your marriage and your life but issues within the immediate family can cause a huge problem in your marriage. It can chip away at your trust and your respect for one another. I wish I would have known that certain family dynamics can intensely interfere with a marriage. If your spouse doesn’t act like your backbone or help you feel supported through communication and establishing healthy boundaries, your marriage will fall apart.” ― Shelley Cameron
One person’s love cannot sustain a marriage.
“One person loving extra doesn’t make up for the other person loving less.” ― Jen Cooper Atkinson
It’s not necessary to spend every waking minute together.
Spending quality time together is necessary, But don’t stop yourself from spending time with family, friends, or pursuing your own career just because you are married. Making your life all about the other person instead puts unnecessary strain in the relationship. You may end up feeling like you have over sacrificed for the relationship.
Expect there to be some serious storms in your marriage. You might question your love for your partner and feel alone at times.
There will be problems, there will be challenges, It will be difficult, you won’t recognize the spouse you married in certain cases, you may even feel like you’d be better off single, But remember to respect your spouse and avoid taking decisions out of spite. Be humble to accept the part you may have played in the situation. To me, Respect and Humility is the key. – Vanessa.